Written by Michael Van Hoy, who completely ripped off Ed and Patsy Bruce,
writers of "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys."
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive old Volvos
Make 'em be Mormons and Muslims, you know
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
They're never at home, off to meetings they roam
To be with committees they love.
1. Quakers ain't easy to corral and they're harder to hold
Pin 'em down on an issue and next thing they've flew from the fold
Drivin' faded old Camrys with faded old bumper stickers
Gripin' about justice and things
Naw, you can't understand 'em, but some are so cute
And a few even know how to sing...
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive old Volvos
Make 'em be Buddhists and Baptists, you know
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
They're never at home, off to meetings they roam
To be with committees they love.
2. Quakers like explainin' 'bout discussin' the process of talkin'.
Lord help the poor feller gets caught up in somethin' like this:
"Will Friends be presently gathered in the fullness of spirit?"
Which really means... "Would ya'll shut up and sit down?"
But they cook good, don't cuss much, and keep all the thrift stores in business.
And if you're walkin' 'round lonely and someone hugs on ya,
You can be pretty sure it's a Friend...
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive old Volvos
Make 'em be Amish and Nazis, you know
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Quakers
They're never at home, off to meetings they roam
To be with committees they love.